I am a walking polyvagal experiment -
and the truth is that one moment I am calm, flat, emotionless-
and another I am angry, in tears, ashamed of my rage.
my hand trembles, puddles flood out of my eyeballs
and they speak all of the languages.
I wish to organize my thoughts-
organize my humanness
take the flood and part the sea
I want to cure my pain.
you are a force-
and forces have energies
strong and powerful
slow and steady
a force is a force.
Tears streaming down
my face
and the ocean has a face, too
she wears it boldly
she wears it soft
she teaches me the contrast
of the beauty
and the pain
the realness.
she teaches me that it can take one wave or several
to knock someone down.
Home
…that is a physical location, yes
and also, I felt at home with myself for the first time in awhile upon arriving back-
to me, that means free to be
calm with
moved by
toward
suited for
sure of
down to get real creative with
myself.
sitting in a hammock as I write this
Tulum is my fantasy - one of them
the presence around me
meeting new people from all over
that good feeling of exhaustion/ restful feeling
humidity on these pages
beautifully strung together words to make sentences that move me
belief in myself
this cold brew from a coffee stand outside my bungalow
pinching myself in gratitude.
